Highly implausible story 2


This is partly true

Well here we are again lads and lasses.
The PM will be here in a mo, he's just popped out for the paper to see what the stars have in store for him…..

Some time later…
Sound of feet running up the stairs and the PM comes into the cabinet room.
Gasps and flops into the big chair at the end of the table.

Well Fred…

Yes PM?

Remind me why I'm here.

Don't you remember PM? You asked me to convene (sorry I didn't mean to use that word.. I have these relapses every so often.. back to the old days when I was Works Convener)…. call everyone together every week whether we need to or not.

OK Fred… I remember. Now we're here, what do you suggest we talk about?

How about newsy things PM? You like to be kept informed of what you said to the papers and TV.

Go on then Fred. What's in the news?

Well there was a report the other day about cost savings in the National Health Service. The London Ambulance Service had this idea about Bicycle Ambulances.

Go on Fred you're kidding me.

No PM it's a fact. They've started Bicycle Ambulances with blue flashing lights and they reckon, with the awful traffic in London they can get to patients quicker than the motor ones.

You mean the patient has to sit on the crossbar to get to hospital?

No PM. When they arrive they attend to the patient until a real ambulance gets there.

Hang on a minute Fred. You mean they send a bicycle AND an ambulance as well. That's not going to save money. That's going to cost more!

Well PM they've got to get the patient to hospital.

Oh I suppose you're right Fred. Hang on though. When I was a bit younger, Cheri and I had a tandem. Make a note Fred. Tell the ambulance service to swap their bikes and get tandems instead. If the patient's in not too bad a shape they could sit on the back and pedal, otherwise just sit there and put their feet on the handlebars like I used to do.. haha.
That's sorted then… anything else?… by the way Fred, who's that standing behind you? I haven't seen him here before have I?

Oh that's my "shadow", PM. You must have read about him. He's been in all the papers.

Why is he standing behind you?
Well when I heard what had happened to him, and what he'd been asked to do, I felt sorry for him and suggested he follow me around so as to be able to make notes. That way he'd find out what I was doing instead of having to read about it in the papers.

Jolly good idea Fred. Saves any misunderstandings.
Anything else we need to talk about before I notice you didn't lay on any coffee Fred?

I did PM but we drank it all while we were waiting for you.

Rotten beggars.. By the way, did everyone hear about the super wheeze I pulled off with the French the other day? You know the business about the refugee camp near Calais.

We only saw what was reported on TV, PM. Lots of people running up the road and climbing onto the axles of trains going through the Chunnel to Folkestone.

Well it's all changed Fred. The French are closing down the camp near Calais.

You mean they're going to take the refugees somewhere else PM

Yes.. he he he.

Why are you laughing PM?

Well it's funny really…The French are going to move the camp at their expense.
It won't cost us a penny.

That's great PM. Where to?

That's the funny bit Fred… to Folkestone!

You mean the Folkestone near Dover PM, OUR end of the Tunnel!. You mean the refugees won't have to jump onto train axles any more?

No Fred that's the funny part.
The camp will be exactly the same as it is now. All the staff will be French. All the notices and signposts will be in French and it'll be right next to the train station.
The best bit is that the refugees will sneak out at night and climb onto train axles and get taken back to France… he he.

That's amazing PM. Who thought of that?

Well I don't want to brag or anything.... moi!

That's fantastic PM.

Thanks very much Fred…and if that's all, cheerio everyone… I'll settle down and see what the stars have in store for me….

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