This is partly true
Well here we are again lads and lasses.
The PM will be here in a mo, he's just popped out for the paper
to see what the stars have in store for him…..
Some time later…
Sound of feet running up the stairs and the PM comes into the
cabinet room.
Gasps and flops into the big chair at the end of the table.
Well Fred…
Yes PM?
Remind me why I'm here.
Don't you remember PM? You asked me
to convene (sorry I didn't mean to use that word.. I have these
relapses every so often.. back to the old days when I was Works
Convener)…. call everyone together every week whether we
need to or not.
OK Fred… I remember. Now we're
here, what do you suggest we talk about?
How about newsy things PM? You like
to be kept informed of what you said to the papers and TV.
Go on then Fred. What's in the news?
Well there was a report the other day
about cost savings in the National Health Service. The London
Ambulance Service had this idea about Bicycle Ambulances.
Go on Fred you're kidding me.
No PM it's a fact. They've started Bicycle
Ambulances with blue flashing lights and they reckon, with the
awful traffic in London they can get to patients quicker than
the motor ones.
You mean the patient has to sit on the
crossbar to get to hospital?
No PM. When they arrive they attend
to the patient until a real ambulance gets there.
Hang on a minute Fred. You mean they
send a bicycle AND an ambulance as well. That's not going to
save money. That's going to cost more!
Well PM they've got to get the patient
to hospital.
Oh I suppose you're right Fred. Hang
on though. When I was a bit younger, Cheri and I had a tandem.
Make a note Fred. Tell the ambulance service to swap their bikes
and get tandems instead. If the patient's in not too bad a shape
they could sit on the back and pedal, otherwise just sit there
and put their feet on the handlebars like I used to do.. haha.
That's sorted then… anything else?… by the way Fred,
who's that standing behind you? I haven't seen him here before
have I?
Oh that's my "shadow", PM.
You must have read about him. He's been in all the papers.
Why is he standing behind you?
Well when I heard what had happened to him, and what he'd been
asked to do, I felt sorry for him and suggested he follow me
around so as to be able to make notes. That way he'd find out
what I was doing instead of having to read about it in the papers.
Jolly good idea Fred. Saves any misunderstandings.
Anything else we need to talk about before I notice you didn't
lay on any coffee Fred?
I did PM but we drank it all while we
were waiting for you.
Rotten beggars.. By the way, did everyone
hear about the super wheeze I pulled off with the French the
other day? You know the business about the refugee camp near
Calais.
We only saw what was reported on TV,
PM. Lots of people running up the road and climbing onto the
axles of trains going through the Chunnel to Folkestone.
Well it's all changed Fred. The French
are closing down the camp near Calais.
You mean they're going to take the refugees
somewhere else PM
Yes.. he he he.
Why are you laughing PM?
Well it's funny really…The French
are going to move the camp at their expense.
It won't cost us a penny.
That's great PM. Where to?
That's the funny bit Fred… to Folkestone!
You mean the Folkestone near Dover PM,
OUR end of the Tunnel!. You mean the refugees won't have to jump
onto train axles any more?
No Fred that's the funny part.
The camp will be exactly the same as it is now. All the staff
will be French. All the notices and signposts will be in French
and it'll be right next to the train station.
The best bit is that the refugees will sneak out at night and
climb onto train axles and get taken back to France… he
he.
That's amazing PM. Who thought of that?
Well I don't want to brag or anything....
moi!
That's fantastic PM.
Thanks very much Fred…and if that's
all, cheerio everyone… I'll settle down and see what the
stars have in store for me….
