Highly implausible story 3

 

Totally imaginary Special Meeting at Number Ten

Deputy PM, be a good chap and pour the coffee and pass round the biscuits.
Clink of cups and crunching of digestives...

Well done old chap, we'll soon get you house trained ha ha ha...
Now this morning's meeting is to discuss my new car.
When I say discuss I don't really mean talk about it, I mean agree with me that I need it.
The leader of our party has to look important and now that the old Jag has failed its MoT it's a good opportunity to get a proper car.
I'm easy. Not particularly in mind of anything you know.
A Roller is OK but a Bentley would be quite adequate.

But PM you know how the Treasury is always whingeing about our expenses.
Wouldn't a Roller be a bit extravagant?

Are you saying that your leader doesn't deserve a new car?

No PM I just mean it may look bad spending loads of money.

What if I park it round the corner and walk to number ten?

That's a good idea PM.
It'll look like you're on an economy drive… ho ho didn't mean to make a pun PM.

What if it's raining PM? You don't want to get wet.

Quite right Mr Secretary of the Environment.
I think you're getting to grips with your new job rather well.

Let's look for a big cut and we'll use that to make the public think we're really saving money.

Champion idea PM. OK lads and lasses any ideas?

What about scrapping the Royal Yacht PM?

Who was that?

Me PM, the Secretary for Trade and Industry.

Well Secretary of State for Trade and Industry; ONE it's already been sold.
How do you think we afforded the new front door for number ten.

Sorry PM.

And TWO; think you clot. What was it you were supposed to ask?
Remember the little chat you had with the Deputy PM before the meeting?

Oh yes I remember PM. I didn't mean the Royal Yacht I meant the Royal Train PM.
Sorry, I couldn't read my own writing.

Quite right Jim. Jolly good idea. It must cost loads of money. Think of all the nutty slack it must get through?

Deputy PM.

Yes PM?

What does it cost to run the Royal Train?

Well PM, it just so happens, purely by coincidence, I have the exact figures.

Go on Deputy PM.

It costs £42 per mile PM.

Golly gosh. As much as that!
What are the alternatives Deputy PM?

Well I just happen to have a list of options, purely by coincidence PM.
First there's a free bus pass. HM is quite entitled to one you know.

That's going a bit far Deputy PM.

OK PM.. I've got it… there's your Jag.

What a brilliant idea Deputy PM.

Take it to the garage round the corner tomorrow and slip the MoT tester a few quid to get it through.

Righto PM consider it done.

Now back to my new Bentley.
Has anyone got a brochure?
Not all at once!
For goodness sake just sit down and pass them round the table.
Any more coffee left Deputy PM?
And pass the chocolate biscuits.

 

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